my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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