That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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