im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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