your parents love me but you hate me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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