Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Farmville is her only friend.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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