I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
