were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i think i just lost a toe
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
