I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
