dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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