Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
