Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
