i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
