Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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