I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So squirting runs in the family.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
