What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
