That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
