What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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