she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And then my night got REAL pukey
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize