The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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