I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
