In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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