i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
