its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
