I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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