and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
