someone threw a dead crab at me
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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