I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
