So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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