Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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