Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
