I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
