you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
