Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wish there were birth control emojis
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
