everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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