I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
