It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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