I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Randomize