You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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