Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Still dying that you shit outside
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sext me about skeletons
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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