from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
