It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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