I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We have started to decorate penises.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
