The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
