Got a toothbrush?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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