The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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