fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
