Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
