Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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