he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
