I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
