Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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