I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
