She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
