Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
