So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
