so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
