I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
