One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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