I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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