Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
