I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
