someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it was like eating out sand paper
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
