just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
