if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
