I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
