The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
