Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
They have beer where we have blood.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
