Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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