i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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