Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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