you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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